
Paired to Perfection

Episode 1:
Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun
Episode 1: Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun
Drink: Stairway to Nowhere
Roasty | Dark | Dry — Baltic Porter | 7% ABV
“Embodying a beautifully rich quality from roasted malts and a clean drinking experience from the lagering process, Stairway to Nowhere is a nod to perhaps the most curious feature in our tasting room, a stairway that leads down to... nowhere.”
Squad Rating: 8/10
Obituary: Holly McCray Blair
September 1, 1948 — August 17, 2020
Holly Blair exploded into glitter and bats on August 17, 2020. She is survived by four spoiled cats, two stinky dogs, three bad birds, a turtle, and an utterly useless frog named Fred... read more
Her future plans include drinking beer with Terry Pratchett and flying across the moon on her broomstick on Halloween. She has also promised to communicate with us from the beyond via the cockatiel psyche. We ask that everyone carve extra jack o’lanterns on Halloween this year in her honor. All hail the wicked witch of Juniper Road!
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Episode 2:
Come Play with Me
Episode 2: Come Play with Me
Drink: Ghost Coast Ginger Whiskey Smash
Bright | Fresh | Strong
We’ve resurrected the dead with this cocktail by highlighting one of the last surviving bottles of Ghost Coast’s Broughton & Whitaker Ginger Whiskey. Alright, we can’t confirm if it’s one of the last bottles, but it sounds pretty legit. Muddled with fresh ginger and mint and then shaken with fresh-squeezed lemon juice (we won’t judge if you use the store-bought stuff), this cocktail is sure to warm your insides.
Squad Rating: 8.5/10
Obituary: Mary Patricia Stocks
May 12, 1921 — July 1, 2015
Pat Stocks, 94, passed away peacefully at her home in bed July 1, 2015. It is believed it was caused from carrying her oxygen tank up the long flight of stairs to her bedroom that made her heart give out. She left behind a hell of a lot of stuff to her daughter and sons who have no idea what to do with it. So if you’re looking for 2 extremely large TVs from the 90s, a large ceramic stork (we think) umbrella/cane stand, a toaster oven (slightly used), or even a 2001 Oldsmobile with a spoiler, you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch. Tomorrow would be fine. read more
This is not an ad for a pawn shop, but an obituary for a great Woman, Mother, Grandmother, and Great-Grandmother born on May 12, 1921, in Toronto. She leaves behind a very dysfunctional family that she was very proud of. Pat was world-renowned for her lack of patience, not holding back her opinion, and a knack for telling it like it is. She always told you the truth, even if it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. It was the school of hard knocks, and yes, we were told many times how she had to walk for miles in a blizzard to get to school, so suck it up.
She will be sorely missed and survived by her brother George Morris, her children: Shauna (Stocks) Perreault, Paul/Sandy (Debbie) Stocks, and Kirk Stocks, son-in-law Ian Milnes, and son from another mother, John McCleery. Grandchildren: Lesley (Sean), Lindsay (Lucas), Ashley (James), David (Tia), Brett, Erin (Brian), Sean, Alex, Courtney, and Taylor, and great-grandchildren: Connor, Emily, Ainsley, Tyler, and Jack.
She was preceded in death by her loving husband Paul (Moo) Stocks and eldest daughter Shelley (Stocks) Milnes, along with her beloved pets Tag, Tag, Tag, and Tag. All who loved her dearly will never forget her tenacity, wit, charm, grace (when pertinent), and undying love and care for them.
Please give generously to
Covenant House Toronto
“in memory.”
A private family ‘Celebration of Life’ will be held, in lieu of a service, due to her friends not being able to attend—because they decided to beat her to the Pearly Gates. Please note her change of address to her new place of residence, St John’s York Mills Anglican Church, 19 Don Ridge Drive, 12 doors away from Shelley’s place.
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Episode 3:
Are You Not Amused?
Episode 3: Are You Not Amused?
Drink: Service Brewing Co. Hard Candy
Tart | Effervescent — Fruit Sour | 6.2% ABV
“Bringing granny’s candy jar to your glass with this hard candy inspired fruit sour. Brewed with copious amounts of raspberry, tangerine, sweet cherry, black currant, and strawberry purees. A delicious and refreshing tart ale.” Brewed with a Philly sour, it automatically sours on its own as it ferments. This is Service’s newest sour and is in short supply due to popularity!
Squad Rating: 8.5/10
Obituary: Robert Adolph Boehm
May 6, 1950 — October 6, 2024
Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over "some stupid mother****ing thing" and hitting his head on the floor... ... read more
Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over "some stupid mother****ing thing" and hitting his head on the floor.
Robert was born in Winters, TX, to the late Walter Boehm and Betty Smith on May 6, 1950, after which God immediately and thankfully broke the mold and attempted to cover up the evidence. Raised Catholic, Robert managed to get his wife Dianne pregnant (three times) fast enough to just barely miss getting drafted into the Vietnam War by fathering Michelle, John, and Charlotte between 1967 and 1972. Much later, with Robert possibly concerned about the brewing conflict in Grenada, Charles was born in 1983.
This lack of military service was probably for the best, as when taking up shooting as a hobby in his later years, he managed to blow not one, but two holes in the dash of his own car on two separate occasions, which unfortunately did not even startle, let alone surprise, his dear wife Dianne, who was much accustomed to such happenings in his presence and may have actually been safer in the jungles of Vietnam the entire time.
While the world was in conflict elsewhere, Robert made due by learning to roof, maintain traffic signs with the City of Amarillo, and eventually becoming a semi-professional truck driver—not to be confused with a professional semi-truck driver.
With peace on the horizon, Robert's attention somewhat counterintuitively drifted to weapons of war, spanning the historical and geographical spectrum from the atlatl of 19,000 BC France, to the sjambok of 1830s Africa, to the Mosin-Nagant M1891 of WWII-era Soviet Union. So many examples of these mainstream hobbyist items litter his small Clarendon, Texas, apartment that one of them may very well have been the item referenced in his aforementioned eloquent final epitaph.
A man of many interests, Robert was not to be entranced by historical weapons alone, but also had a penchant for fashion, frequently seen about town wearing the latest trend in homemade leather moccasins, a wide collection of unconventional hats, and boldly mismatched shirts and pants.
Robert also kept a wide selection of harmonicas on hand—not to play personally, but to prompt his beloved dogs to howl continuously at odd hours of the night to entertain his many neighbors, and occasionally to give to his many, many, many grandchildren and great-grandchildren to play loudly during long road trips with their parents.
Earlier this year, in February, God finally showed mercy upon Dianne, getting her the hell out of there for some well-earned peace and quiet. Without Dianne to gleefully entertain, Robert shifted his creative focus to the entertainment of you, the fine townspeople of Clarendon, Texas. Over the last eight months, if you have not met Robert or seen his road show yet, you probably would have soon.
We have all done our best to enjoy/weather Robert's antics up to this point, but he is God's problem now.
Robert's farewell tour will be held Monday, October 14th, at 10 a.m. at Memorial Park Funeral Home, 6969 E Interstate 40 Hwy, Amarillo, TX 79118. The family encourages you to dust off whatever outdated or inappropriate combination of clothing you have available to attend. A tip jar will be available in the front; flowers are also acceptable.
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Episode 4:
What’s Wrong with Lassie?
Episode 4: What’s Wrong with Lassie?
Drink: Black Rifle Murdered Out
Dark | Bold | Strong
“For all of you night riders out there, we proudly present our darkest coffee yet: Murdered Out. With tasting notes of smoky molasses and dark chocolate, this extra dark coffee packs a full punch without being too bitter. Its smooth flavor will fuel your midnight ops or your morning commute. It's always the perfect time to join the dark side. Each bag you buy helps us give more to the veteran community. Thank you for supporting America's Coffee.”
Squad Rating: 9/10 but definitely a 12/10 with added booze
Obituary: James Loveless
March 11, 1963 — June 14, 2023
Born and raised in Kentucky in 1963—a state that has been recently leaning toward more liberal values, we might add—Jamie, a divorcee, father, grandfather, and proud owner of a few lots in the trailer park, had had enough and up and died on us on June 14th in order to avoid another Presidential stolen-election mishap in the near future. ... read more
As a gluttonous eater of fried foods and snack cakes, as well as the occasional chili cheese dog, James tried in vain to give up the ghost by clogging his arteries and having a stroke in 2015. His twin boys, Rocky and Rodney, had other plans and made him go to the hospital. While waiting in the ER at the hospital, he was heard saying, "Let's make a break for it!", only to be heard by one of the hospital staff and forced to go through the procedure. He wasn't too excited about the prospect but went anyway.
On many occasions in life, James was seen in his backyard at the trailer park during the early hours of the morning, hammering beers, standing over country-style ribs, and yelling, "It's got a head like a cat on it!", while nearby neighbors would peek out their windows bearing looks of disgust and amazement, as his party guests were slurring remarks about needing to speed up his cooking style. "We've been here since 5 o'clock," they would say. "I've got work in the morning."
We don't know if he was married, but he definitely was a lady's man. There was Kathy, Mary Lou, Tammy, Debra, Carrie, Tina, etc., etc. "It's the bones," he told us as he proudly pointed to his skinny, pasty-white legs. "Women love a good shin." We think he might even have some females waiting for him on the other side.
Jamie loved his family more than anything else in the world... except ice-cold Busch, room-temperature Busch, T-bones, New York strip, prime rib, shrimp, swimming, poker, hatch-back Mustang GTs, tank tops, Kentucky Men's basketball, and his personal copy of Eddie Murphy's Raw.
He leaves behind his second-favorite son, Rocky (and Lizeth) Loveless of Arizona City, AZ, his favorite son, Rodney Loveless of Science Hill, KY, a younger brother, Joey, and unofficial daughter Melissa (and Coy) Vance of the trailer park, as well as a pair of old boxers which have "Buttweiser the King of Rears" printed on the design. He will be moderately missed.
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Episode 5:
My Bloody Valentine
Episode 5: My Bloody Valentine
Drink: Boozy Truffles by Chocolat by Adam Turoni
Decadent | Rich | Velvety
“As a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America, Adam’s philosophy about chocolate is to tell a story through flavors.”
Mint Julep Truffle: A one bite dark chocolate cup filled with a muddled organic mint fondant, finished with Maker’s Mark Bourbon and topped with candied mint leaves.
Blood Orange Truffle: Dark chocolate butter ganache infused with a blood orange puree and Grand Marnier, topped with a house made candied orange square.
Georgia Peach Truffle: White chocolate cream center infused with peach preserves and peach liqueur. Finished in a white chocolate shell covered in locally roasted pecans.
Raspberry Chambord Truffle: Milk & dark chocolate butter ganache infused with a raspberry puree and Chambord. Finished with a white chocolate layer and topped with a dark chocolate petal dusted in raspberry dust.
Squad Rating: 10’s, 10’s, 10’s across the board
Obituary: Walter George Bruhl Jr.
April 20, 1933 — March 9, 2014
Walter George Bruhl Jr. of Newark and Dewey Beach, DE, is a dead person. He is no more. He is bereft of life. He has wrung down the curtain and gone to join the choir invisible. He has expired and gone to meet his maker. ... read more
He drifted off this mortal coil on March 9, 2014, at his home. His spirit was released from his worn-out shell of a body and is now exploring the universe.
He was surrounded by his loving wife of 57 years, Helene Sellers Bruhl, who will now be able to purchase the mink coat he had always refused her because he believed only minks should wear mink, his two sons, their wives, and his four grandchildren.
Walt was preceded in death by his tonsils and adenoids in 1935, a spinal disc in 1974, a large piece of his thyroid gland in 1988, and his prostate on March 27, 2000.
He was born in Philadelphia, PA, on April 20, 1933, at 10:38 PM and weighed in at a healthy 7 lbs. 4 oz. and was 22″ long to Blanche Buckman Bruhl and Walter George Bruhl.
Walter was a Marine Corps Veteran of the Korean War, having served from October 1951 to September 1954, with overseas duty in Japan from June 1953 to August 1953. He attained the rank of Sergeant. He chose this path because of Hollywood propaganda to which he succumbed as a child during WWII and his cousin Ella, who joined the Corps in 1943.
He served an electronics apprenticeship at the Philadelphia Naval Yard from 1956 till 1961, operated Atlantic Automotive Service Stations in Wilmington during 1961 and 1962, and was employed by the late great DuPont Co. from 1962 through 1993.
He started at Chestnut Run Site as a flunky in the weave area of the Textile Fibers Dept., and then was promoted to research assistant where he stayed from 1963 through 1972. In 1972, he accepted a position as an equipment service representative with the Photo Products Dept. at the old DuPont Airport Site (now Barley Mill Plaza).
In 1973, he was promoted to Manufacturing Engineering Technologist and was employed in that capacity until, after 31 years with The Co., he was given a fine anniversary dinner and…
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Episode 6:
There’s Been a Murdah… in Savannah
Episode 6: There’s Been a Murdah… in Savannah
Drink: Savannah’s (In)Famous Chatham Artillery Punch
Strong | Boozy | Blackout Inducing
“While the official inventor of the drink is unknown, it was believed to have been created by the local militia, the Chatham Artillery, to welcome the Republican Blues back from a military drill in Macon in the 1800s, but some references date it even earlier.
Referenced in the film adaptation of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, the punch is said to be three parts fruit, seven parts liquor—whatever’s available on both counts.
Those who have studied the drink claim the original was simply just lemon juice, sugar, rum, brandy, whiskey, and Champagne, but either way that’s enough alcohol to bring an elephant down.
Brews & Obituaries Recipe
2 Cups Paul Masson Brandy
2 Cups Meyers Dark Jamaican Rum
2 Cups Four Roses Bourbon
Freshly Squeezed Lemon Juice
Topped with Champagne
Garnished with lemon peels soaked in simple syrup for 3 days and served over ice
Squad Rating: 10/10 will kill you
Obituary: William Freddie McCullough
February 3, 1952 — September 11, 2013
The man. The myth. The legend. Men wanted to be him and women wanted to be with him. William Freddie McCullough died on September 11, 2013. ... read more
Freddie loved deep-fried Southern food smothered in Cane Syrup, fishing at Santee Cooper Lake, Little Debbie Cakes, Two and a Half Men, beautiful women, Reese's Cups, and Jim Beam. Not necessarily in that order. He hated vegetables and hypocrites. Not necessarily in that order.
He was a master craftsman who single-handedly built his beautiful house from the ground up. Freddie was also great at growing fruit trees, grilling chicken and ribs, popping wheelies on his Harley at 50 mph, making everyone feel appreciated, and hitting Coke bottles at thirty yards with his .45.
When it came to floor covering, Freddie was one of the best in the business. And he loved doing it. Freddie loved to tell stories. And you could be sure 50% of every story was true. You just never knew which 50%.
Marshall Matt Dillon, Ben Cartwright, and Charlie Harper were his TV heroes. And he was the hero for his six children: Mark, Shain, Clint, Brandice, Ashley, and Thomas.
Freddie adored the ladies. And they adored him. There isn't enough space here to list all of the women from Freddie's past... A few of the more colorful ones were Momma Margie, Crazy Pam, Big Tittie Wanda, Spacy Stacy, and Sweet Melissa. He attracted more women than a shoe sale at Macy's.
He got married when he was 18, but it didn't last. Freddie was no quitter, however, so he gave it a shot two more times. It didn't work out with any of the wives, but he managed to stay friends with them and their parents.
In between his many adventures, Freddie appeared in several films including The Ordeal of Dr. Mudd, A Time for Miracles, The Conspirator, Double Wide Blues, and Pretty Fishes.
When Freddie took off for that pool party in the sky, he left behind his sons Mark McCullough, Shain McCullough and his wife Amy, Clint McCullough and his wife Desiree, and Thomas McCullough and his wife Candice; his daughters Brandice Chambers and her husband Michael, Ashley Cooler and her husband Justin; his brothers Jimmie and Eddie McCullough; his girlfriend Lisa Hopkins; and seven delightful grandkids.
Freddie was killed when he rushed into a burning orphanage to save a group of adorable children. Or maybe not. We all know how he liked to tell stories.
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Episode 7:
I Want to Believe
Episode 7: I Want to Believe
Drink: Southbound Brewing Co. Cosmic Howdy
Juicy | Citrusy | Hoppy — ABV: 6.8%
“Raise your glass to the sky with this juicy IPA. This heady beer collides dank aromas into open clusters of citrus, melon, berry and pine, perfectly eclipsing all others. The flavor spectrum created by this orbital harmony generates a divine beer that shoots for the stars! Cosmic Howdy is brewed with El Dorado, Citra, S. Cross, and Amarillo hops.”
Squad Rating: 8/10 - this makes a great pool beer or an easy drinking IPA for those who don’t typically enjoy hoppy beers.
Obituary: Elwood Segeske
1955 — February 25, 2016
ELWOOD "BUDDY", III, age 60, former soccer player, tool and die maker, and David Bowie look-alike, ate his last Philadelphia soft pretzel on February 25th, 2016. ... read more
His death followed a week-long battle with torso failure and the lasting effects of a 1992 alien abduction. He was preceded in death by his father Elwood Jr. and his mother Margaret (nee: Sumlktis). He leaves behind two sons, Kyle and Elwood IV, brothers Stephen and Kevin, sister Lucille (Louann Segeske) Fleming, step-mother Mickey Segeske-Meistersinger, life-partner Lisa Razzi, whom he met at the local psychiatric hospital, and a battery-operated cymbal-smashing monkey.
Buddy was raised on the mean streets of Kensington, where he claimed the men were men. He spoke fondly of his childhood friends, and those who didn't end up in prison went on to become carnies, bottle cleaners, master debaters, and/or Republicans. Still, despite his neighborhood's hardscrabble reputation, Buddy says he cried the first time he made love, although it was probably due to the pepper spray.
An avid collector of safety glasses which he kept in the rear cargo compartment of his trusty Dodge Durango, Buddy also had a habit of hanging onto business cards, which made his wallet thicker than George Costanza's and ultimately required him to undergo back surgery. And although he achieved many things in his life, he was most proud of his years playing soccer and his near-perfect recall of Beatles song lyrics.
To relieve stress, Buddy preferred smoking and drinking over yoga, although he did cut a fine figure in yoga pants according to his partner Lisa and an undisclosed number of female (and male) admirers. He also loved playing pool and fishing. He will be remembered for his contagious smile, sparkling blue eyes, gentle heart, and inappropriate sense of humor.
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Episode 8:
Checking In
Episode 8: Checking In
Drink: Hotel Welcome Cocktail: Cucumber Cooler
Bright | Refreshing | Crisp
Who doesn’t love a welcome cocktail when checking into a hotel? Not a cocktail fan, who doesn’t enjoy a glass of refreshing cucumber water? This week’s cocktail blends the two perfectly with a crisp and fresh cucumber cooler.
Peel two cucumbers, shave off a thin slice and save it as garnish. Juice the remaining cucumber (a blender works fine). Add a splash of lime juice and ginger syrup (make by infusing simple syrup with fresh ginger, then straining). Pour in 2–3 oz of your favorite gin, shake over ice, and strain into a rocks glass over fresh ice. Garnish with the folded cucumber slice on a toothpick. Voila!
Squad Rating: 9/10
Obituary: Douglas Legler
1955 — February 25, 2016
Doug Died. ... read more
Douglas Allen Legler, 85, of Fargo, died Saturday, June 27, 2015, at Sanford Medical Center. He was a longtime driver for Nash Finch, later working in vending machine repair and painting farm equipment.
An avid singer—once placing second in a talent show—he loved country music (especially Ernest Tubb), cars, and casino trips. Predeceased by his wife Beverly and girlfriend Renee, he is survived by his daughter Janet Legler Stoll, who remembers him as a quick-witted jokester with a heart of gold.
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Episode 9:
Get the Paddy Started
Episode 9: Get the Paddy Started
Drink: Irish Coffee
Strong | Rich | Creamy
The Ghosts’ Recipe:
- Coffee sweetened with a bit of sugar
- Two shots of Jameson (feel free to add more if you’re feeling boozy)
- Homemade whipped cream (whipping cream, powdered sugar, a splash of Irish cream—whip to stiff peaks)
Squad Rating: 10/10
Obituary: Thomas Mulligan
Unknown — July 25, 2019
THOMAS "TOMM", beloved husband, father, grandfather, and occasional office Santa, passed away at home in his recliner, just as he had always promised he would. ... read more
Born in Brooklyn, Tomm grew up to live the American Dream—marriage, a career, a house in the suburbs, and two opinionated children who never let him forget it. A Bishop Ford High School graduate, he worked in technology at Lahey Clinic for over 20 years, where he was considered indispensable, though no one quite knew what he did. He never missed a chance for an inappropriate joke or a cigarette break.
A passionate DIYer, Tomm was known for keeping at least five unfinished projects at any given time. His interests included comic books, playing the lotto, making his children uncomfortable, and an unwavering love of cheese. His dedication to Doctor Who was only rivaled by his commitment to not wearing pants at home—interests he often combined.
In his later years, Tomm devoted himself to caring for his wife, Iris, as she battled advanced dementia. He will be missed by everyone who knew him. Except Iris, of course. Everyone else, though.
He is survived by his wife, Iris Mulligan; his "favorite" daughter Kim Mulligan of L.A.; his other daughter, Amy Schiripo, and her husband Alex of Dracut; his cherished grandchildren, Xander and Alana Schiripo; his brother, Keith Mulligan; and his niece, Mariah Borthwick of Brooklyn.
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Episode 10:
Creepin’ It Real with Cryptids
Episode 10: Creepin’ It Real with Cryptids
Drink: Monday Night Brewing Death Raptor Killer IPA
Light Bodied | Citrusy | Hoppy — ABV: 6.9%
“Out of the Jurassic Jungle of Juice comes an apex predator with the vicious intent of slaying your palate. Death Raptor Killer IPA’s zesty, citrus fruit aroma lures you into the glassful of sweet, sweet surrender. Flavors of tangerine and grapefruit mingle with the malt backbone of pilsner and flaked oats. This IPA appears pleasant, but you may never escape its delicious grip.”
Squad Rating: 7.4/10… 8.7 if you’re not considering Lucas’ vote of a 5 because IPAs just don’t work with his palate.
Obituary: Michael Blanchard
1944 — 2012
A Celebration of the life of Michael "Flathead" Blanchard will be held on April 14th, 3 pm 8160 Rosemary St, Commerce City. Weary of reading obituaries noting someone's courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn... read more
He refused to follow doctors' orders and raised hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died.
Mike was born July 1944 in Colorado to Clyde and Ethel Blanchard. A community activist, he is noted for saving the Dr. Justina Ford house from demolition and defending those who could not defend themselves. He was a Republican delegate, life member of the NRA, founder and President of the Dead Cats MC. He loved music.
Mike was preceded in death by Clyde and Ethel Blanchard, survived by his beloved sons Mike and Chopper, former wife Jane Transue, brother Stephen Blanchard (Susan), Uncle Don and Aunt Cynthia Blanchard (his favorite); Uncle Dill and Aunt Dot, cousins and nephews. Baba Yaga can kiss his butt.
So many of his childhood friends that weren't killed in Vietnam went on to become criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats. He asks that you stop by and re-tell the stories he can no longer tell.
As the Celebration will contain Adult material, we respectfully ask that no children under 18 attend.
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Episode 11:
It Came From Inside the House
Episode 11: It Came From Inside the House
Drink: Frog’s Breath
Sweet | Melon Forward | Tart
While this cocktail is the perfect Halloween sipper, it also pairs perfectly with this week’s theme—okay… only for the name, but how else do you make a “phrogging” cocktail? Yeah, that’s what we thought. While this cocktail looks like an apple lover’s fantasy—it’s not apple… it’s melon. Ooof. If you’re looking for a sweet melon drink, you’ve found it… but we think you might be alone on that front.
Frog’s Breath Recipe:
- 1.5 oz fresh lemon juice
- 1.5 oz orange liqueur (e.g. Grand Marnier)
- 1.5 oz Midori (melon liqueur)
- 2 oz club soda
- 1 Luxardo cherry for garnish
Squad Rating: 4/10… not the best cocktail, but what can you do? Also, clear that Phillip has terrible taste in drinks.
Obituary: William Ziegler
Unknown — July 29, 2016
William Ziegler escaped this mortal realm on Friday, July 29, 2016, at the age of 69. We think he did it on purpose to avoid having to make a decision in the pending presidential election. He leaves behind four children, five grandchildren, and the potted meat industry, for which he was an unofficial spokesman... read more
...until dietary restrictions forced him to eat real food. William volunteered for service in the United States Navy at the ripe old age of 17 and immediately realized he didn't much enjoy being bossed around. He only stuck it out for one war. Before his discharge, however, the government exchanged numerous ribbons and medals for various honorable acts.
Upon his return to the City of New Orleans in 1971, thinking it best to keep an eye on him, government officials hired William as a fireman. After twenty-five years, he suddenly realized that running away from burning buildings made more sense than running toward them. He promptly retired.
Looking back, William stated that there was no better group of morons and mental patients than those he had the privilege of serving with (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob).
Following his wishes, there will not be a service, but well-wishers are encouraged to write a note of farewell on a Schaefer Light beer can and drink it in his honor. He was never one for sentiment or religiosity, but he wanted you to know that if he owes you a beer, and if you can find him in Heaven, he will gladly allow you to buy him another. He can likely be found forwarding tasteless internet jokes (check your spam folder, but don't open these at work). Expect to find an alcoholic dog named Judge passed out at his feet.
Unlike previous times, this is not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends. He assures us that he is gone. He will be greatly missed.
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Episode 12:
The Moon River Brewing Company
Episode 12: The Moon River Brewing Company
Drink: Dixie Kristal Tripel
Spicy | Fruity | Smooth — ABV: 9.4%
The brewing team at Moon River went to great lengths to make Dixie Kristal Tripel true to the classic Belgian Tripel style. They even crafted their own candi syrup from local Dixie Crystal sugar. Authentic Belgian yeast aromas of ripe fruit and subtle spice dance on a bright, sparkling stage of imported pilsner malt. It’s the perfect beer for any celebration!
Squad Rating: 10/10 for the last bottle in existence
Obituary: James Ward
Unknown — September 1, 2005
James Robert "Beef" Ward, 39, passed away Thursday, September 1, 2005 at O.S.U. East Hospital. He will be sadly and sorely missed by his loving family. Jimmy, whom his family affectionately called "Pork" or "Bubba", will be remembered for his wonderful sense of humor... read more
...along with his dedication to his family. A beloved son, brother and uncle, he was also a devoted animal lover whose kindness and gentle soul enriched all who knew him. Preceded in death by his mother, Barbara Jean "Buffalo Butt" Ward, and his pets Princess, Buster, Lady, Bonkers, Susie, Daisy and Silky.
Survived by his fiancée Annie "Red" Callahan; father J. Richard "Old Fart" (Debbie "Peep") Ward; sisters Cathy "Funny Face" (Paul) Graf, Karen "Turtle" Ward, Patty "Hamburger" Ward, Amy "Amos" Ward; his future children Jessica "Thunder Child" and James; nephews Joshua and Jason; numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, and an army of beloved pets.
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Episode 13:
What’s For Dinner?
Episode 13: What’s For Dinner?
Drink: Josh’s Famous Bloody Mary
Strong | Spicy | Decadent
What cocktail can you eat? Better yet, what cocktail can provide you with a whole meal? The answer is simple – a Bloody Mary. Now this Bloody Mary isn’t one you’ll find at your average restaurant because we’ve added all the accoutrements…
Josh’s Bloody Mary Recipe
- 1–2 shots of vodka (depending on your strength preference)
- Splash of lemon & lime juice, Worcestershire sauce, horseradish & pickle juice, plus fresh ground pepper
- Topped with bacon strip, spicy pickle, lime wedge, cheese-wrapped pepperoni, garlic-stuffed olives & an Old Bay shrimp
Squad Rating: 10/10
Obituary: Christian Louis Hacker
July 13, 1947 ~ April 9, 2015
Christian Louis Hacker, 67, better known as Lou Hacker, of Valatie, died April 9, 2015… ...read more
Christian Louis Hacker, born July 13, 1947 in Hudson, NY…
[full obituary copy here]
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Episode 14:
The Maine Event
Episode 14: The Maine Event
Drink: Allagash White
Hazy | Floral | Citrusy — ABV: 5.2%
“Our award-winning interpretation of a Belgian-style wheat beer is brewed with oats, malted wheat, and raw wheat for a hazy “white” appearance. Spiced with our own special blend of coriander and Curaçao orange peel, Allagash White upholds the Belgian tradition of beers that are both complex and refreshing.”
Squad Rating: our first unanimous 8/10
Obituary: Florence Harrelson
Unknown ~ February 22, 2024
Florence “Flo” Harrelson, 65, formerly of Chelsea, died on Feb. 22, 2024, without family by her side due to burnt bridges and a wake of destruction left in her path. Florence did not want an obituary or anyone including family to know she died. ...read more
That’s because even in death, she wanted those she terrorized to still be living in fear looking over their shoulders. So, this isn’t so much an obituary but more of a public service announcement.
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Episode 15:
Into the Woods
Episode 15: Into the Woods
Drink: Rosemary Smoked Old Fashioned
Earthy | Smoky | Strong
Trying to think of what cocktail would go nicely with a woods-themed episode, bourbon was the first thing to come to mind. Something earthy and manly—like all your Ghost’s clearly are. Then to add more emphasis to the “woods” theme, what better ingredient to add than fresh rosemary? And what’s reminiscent of camping in the woods? Campfires—so enter the smoked aspect. All of this combined makes the perfectly balanced cocktail for cool nights.
Brews & Obituaries Recipe:
- Chop rosemary sprigs and mix into simple syrup; let rest overnight.
- Place a small amount of chopped rosemary on a fire-safe dish, light it, allow it to smoke, then cover with your glass for a few minutes.
- Remove the glass, add bourbon, simple syrup to taste, a dash of Angostura bitters, and ice.
- Stir gently and garnish with a fresh sprig of rosemary.
Squad Rating: 9/10
Obituary: Robert Henrickson
May 27, 1940 ~ January 11, 2010
Robert "Ranger Bob" C. Henrickson, 69, of Brantingham, died Monday evening, January 11, 2010, surrounded by his family. Born in Ilion on May 27, 1940, he graduated from Ilion Central School and later from the New York State School of Forestry in Wanakena as a Forest Ranger. ...read more
He worked for the NYS Department of Environmental Conservation in Lowville, where he retired in 1995. Bob is survived by his wife, Leslie; his two daughters, Laurie Henrickson McCastor and her husband, James of Syracuse, Linda Henrickson Smith and her husband, Roger of Central Square; a stepson, Bruce Cota and his wife, Mai Shaikhanuar-Cota of Ithaca; four grandchildren, Morgan and Michael McCastor, Zachary and Alexandra Smith.
Bob was a member of Lewis County Search and Rescue and the 3-G Fire Department. An avid outdoorsman, he was a fisherman and hunter, and an active member of Ducks Unlimited. Bob was also a wood craftsman, a musician, and a collector. His favorite role was Unofficial Ambassador for Brantingham—a role he took very seriously by visiting all the local establishments daily to help wherever he was needed.
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Episode 16:
Enjoy Your Cruise
Episode 16: Enjoy Your Cruise
Drink: Coastal Empire Beer Co. Slow Drift Light Lager
Light | Crisp | Refreshing — 4% ABV
While there’s not much information about Slow Drift, we can tell you that this is the perfect beer to drift away with this summer. It’s definitely an easy drinking beer with a low ABV of 4% and it also has a nice crisp mouthfeel that keeps you coming back for more. Extremely light in color, Slow Drift also has a slightly fruity aftertaste that pairs excellently with some boozy fruit while you’re floating in a pool, a lake, a river, or the ocean.
Squad Rating: 9.3/10
Obituary: Eamonn Patrick Harrington
Unknown ~ January 30, 1993
Eamonn Patrick Harrington, 34, of New Bedford, died unexpectedly Saturday, January 30, 1993, at sea after being lost on the fishing vessel True Life off Chatham. He was the husband of Mary Kate Harrington and originally from Castletown, County Cork, Ireland. The son of Donald and Rosaleen (O'Shea) Harrington. ...read more
He was born and raised in Castletown and had previously lived in New York before settling in New Bedford five years prior to his passing. Eamonn worked as a fisherman out of the port of New Bedford and had also served aboard a Mobil Oil tanker and on tugboats operated by Poling Brothers of New York.
A 1992 graduate of Northeast Maritime in New Bedford, he held Coast Guard certifications as an Able Seaman, Lifeboatman, and Tankerman.
On January 30, 1993, the True Life began flooding while fishing off Chatham. A distress call brought a Coast Guard helicopter, which delivered pumps to the vessel. The crew was advised to abandon ship and board a life raft. Tragically, a rogue wave capsized the vessel. Two of the three crew members were rescued from the water—one in cardiac arrest. The life raft was located hours later by another fishing boat, with Eamonn’s body found beneath it.
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Episode 17:
The Secret Lies with Charlotte
Episode 17: The Secret Lies with Charlotte
Drink: Flaming Dragon’s Blood
Strong | Fruity | Tart
Take a sip from the chalice and you’ll be granted access to worlds unknown. The perfect cocktail to support secret societies is the Flaming Dragon’s Blood—a glittering raspberry & thyme daiquiri lit on fire, making it the ideal initiation drink.
Dragon’s Blood Recipe
- 1.5 oz Raspberry & thyme syrup
- Place 12 oz of raspberries, 3 sprigs of thyme, 1/2 cup white sugar, and 1/2 cup water in a saucepan.
- Cook over medium heat and stir until the sugar has dissolved.
- Bring mixture to a boil and stir until raspberries have broken down.
- Remove from heat and let cool completely allowing the syrup to infuse.
- Strain the mix to remove pulp and seeds and store in air tight container.
- 2.25 oz. white rum (we used Captain Morgan)
- 3/4 oz. lemon juice
- 1/8 tsp. red luster dust (add as much as you want to make it as magical looking as possible)
- Shake over ice and strain into a coupe glass
- Slowly pour 151 rum over the back of spoon onto the top of your cocktail (we used Diamond 151)
- Light that bitch on fire and take as many photos as possible
- Be careful when drinking once the flame has gone out - the glass will be hot as shit
Squad Rating: 9/10
Obituary: Johanna R. Scarpitti
Unknown ~ August 1, 2014
Ding dong the witch is dead, but the memory of our mother lives on. Johanna Scarpitti, age 70, of New Castle, DE, passed away unexpectedly August 1, 2014 at her summer home. Johanna was a kind-hearted woman; a loving mother and wife who spoiled her grandchildren without complaint... read more
...She was sweet with a side of zest. Johanna loved the beach, boating, kayaking, and that incredible drink from The Lazy Lizard. She will be incredibly missed by all who knew her... whole bunch.
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Episode 18:
Unsettling Savannah
Episode 18: Unsettling Savannah
Drink: The Collins Quarter Spiced Lavender Mocha
Floral | Rich | Earthy
The Collins Quarter is Savannah’s flagship café, blending specialty coffee with innovative flavors. Their Spiced Lavender Mocha combines:
- Espresso
- Dark chocolate
- Ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon, and lavender
- Optional: a shot of bourbon or rum for an adult twist
Squad Rating: 10/10
Obituary: The Lady Chablis
Unknown ~ September 8, 2016
The Lady Chablis, a transgender entertainer best known for playing a drag queen comedian in the 1997 film Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, died September 8, 2016, in Savannah, Georgia. She was 59 and a beloved icon in the Savannah LGBTQ+ community. ...read more
Chablis’ home club was Savannah’s Club One, where she officiated its grand opening in 1988 and reigned as its star performer. Author John Berendt immortalized her in his bestselling novel, describing her “sassy half-smile” and magnetic stage presence.
In addition to her film role, she appeared on The Real Housewives of Atlanta and penned the memoir Hiding My Candy.
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Episode 19:
What’s Up, Doc?
Episode 19: What’s Up, Doc?
Drink: Painkiller
Strong | Fruity | Decadent
It seems like nowadays, the only way doctors help us is by loading us up with pills. Pills for this. Pills for that. But really what we need is a different kind of painkiller—one filled with pineapple, coconut, and rum. We’re pretty sure drinking this will cure all your problems. Okay, maybe not, but it’s worth a try! Don’t forget to rim your glass with coconut and sprinkle some cinnamon on top to make it the perfect tropical medicine.
- Pineapple juice
- Coconut cream
- Dark rum
- Rim with shredded coconut and a dusting of cinnamon
Squad Rating: 10/10
Obituary: Danny Lloyd
Unknown ~ April 25, 2018
Danny Lloyd, aka Rooster, aka Winston, aka Pizza Pop, passed away on April 25th at the age of 64, “to avoid having to pay taxes for the past year and to avoid another year of his New York Yankees not winning the World Series.” A celebration of life was held on May 20, 2018 ...read more
at Davidson Funeral Home in Lexington, with friends and family gathering to remember the man who proudly called himself a “facilitator of supply/demand economics.” Danny was a life-long ticket scalper and broker, and not without humor—once claiming a Carolina fan needed to buy fast if he wanted to hear Dean Smith sing the National Anthem.
Known for his generosity, Danny gave away many of his possessions in his final months—most notably his car, which he left to twelve different friends depending on who visited him last. He was cremated for two reasons: his family refused to honor his request to be posed in a corner holding signs that read “Buying Tickets” and “Selling Tickets,” and he probably wouldn’t have sat still for it anyway.
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Episode 20:
I’ve Got a Bad Feeling About This
Episode 20: I’ve Got a Bad Feeling About This
Drink: Rouge Ales and Spirits Dead Guy Ale
Malty | Smooth Finish | Rich — 6.8% ABV
“Our bold and complex Dead Guy Ale, a Maibock-style brew, has been introducing countless beer drinkers to craft beer worldwide for nearly 35 years. Deep honey in color, this ale offers a rich, malty aroma and hearty flavor with notes of caramel and herbal hops. The robust malt profile and sweetness are beautifully balanced, thanks to the liberal use of hops and our proprietary Pacman yeast. Still as drinkable as ever, Dead Guy Ale remains a timeless favorite.”
Squad Rating: 7.5/10 – would be higher if it wasn’t 90 degrees outside
Obituary: Nevena Ann Topic
Unknown ~ Unknown
Ann would like to let you know that her work here is done. She received a call—an offer she couldn’t refuse—for an appointment from which she will not be returning. The assignment comes with a generous sign-on bonus: a reunion with long-missed family and friends. Her new mission takes her to a wonderful place where she will be ...read more
socializing, dancing, gardening, and reading to her heart’s content. Music, laughter, and love are guaranteed. Food is delicious and you never gain an ounce. She left detailed instructions for her husband and children to celebrate her mission here, which has now been completed. Low adherence to this instruction will not be tolerated.
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Episode 21:
Submissions, Literally
Episode 21: Submissions, Literally
Drink: Peach Blossom Mule made with Literally Vodka
Sweet | Refreshing | Crisp
Literally Vodka’s Peach Blossom Mule Recipe
- 2 oz Literally Vodka
- 0.5 oz peach puree
- 1 oz lime juice
- Ginger Beer to fill
Fill a copper mule mug with ice. Add the vodka, peach puree, and lime juice. Stir until fully mixed, then top with ginger beer. Garnish with a lime wedge and a sprig of thyme (if you have it!).
Squad Rating: 9/10 based on the level of sweetness
Obituary: Dorothy A. Scrobola
July 14, 1930 ~ April 24, 2015
Dorothy A. "Stella" Scrobola was called home to our Lord on Friday, April 24, 2015. Born July 14, 1930, to Joseph and Anne Foley, Stella was a unique and caring individual who touched the lives of all who knew her. She married Charles C. Scrobola in 1957 and raised six loving children. ...read more
She was totally dedicated to her children in all aspects of their lives. Stella was a permanent fixture at the Wyoming Valley Airport where she was known for having a hug and kiss ready for everyone traveling through.
A graduate of Hanover High School and the Nesbitt School of Nursing, Stella worked as a personal care nurse in Philadelphia while starting her family. Her devotion to her children was unmatched, and her influence continues to shape their lives today.
She was preceded in death by her parents, Joe and Anne Foley; her sister, Marianne; brothers, Joe, Bill, and Robert; her son, John; and her husband, Charles C. Scrobola, M.D.
Stella is survived by her children, Charles J. (Lisa), James (Joyce), Michael (Carol), Bridget, and Joseph (Sheryl); a shitload of grandchildren; and one big great-grandson.
A Mass of Christian Burial was held at St. Monica Parish in West Wyoming, with interment at St. Mary's Cemetery in Hanover Township. There were no calling hours, just the love and memories she left behind.
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Episode 22:
Friday the 13th
Episode 22: Friday the 13th
Drink: Two Tides Brewing Co. Garden of Evil
Dry | Nutty | Light Hops — 4% ABV
“The tide has turned. It’s time for darkness. The counterpart to our first lager collab, Garden of Good, with Horus Aged Ales is ready. A dark Czech Lager, brewed with a complex myriad of rich malt, hopped delicately with Saaz for balance, fermented with our new favorite Czech Lager strain, and cold conditioned for a lonnng time. Beautifully delicate roast character, a touch of nutty raisin, and crisp deliciousness.”
Squad Rating: 6.5/10
Obituary: Marcie Cunningham
1961 ~ June 13, 1980
Marcie Lynn Cunningham, 19, of Paramus, New Jersey, passed away tragically on the evening of Friday, June 13, 1980, while serving as a summer camp counselor at Camp Crystal Lake. A recent graduate of Ridgewood High School, Marcie was known for her quick wit and bright smile. ...read more
She was active in the drama club and the swim team, and was loved deeply by her friends, family, and fellow counselors.
Marcie is survived by her parents, Gregory and Ellen Cunningham, and her younger brother, Tyler.
A private memorial service will be held in Paramus. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be made to youth outdoor education programs — and reminds all summer camp operators to prioritize the safety and well-being of their staff.
“Gone too soon. Sleep safe, Marcie.”
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Episode 23:
Creepypasta Vodka Sauce
Episode 23: Creepypasta Vodka Sauce
Drink: “Literally Vodka” Pasta Sauce & A Shit Ton of Red Wine
Delicious | Rich | Earthy
How can you not pair pasta with a full creepypasta episode? That’s literally what we like to do most – eat and drink. To make the pasta even more delicious, we decided to make our own vodka sauce with one of our new favorite vodkas – Literally Vodka. The sauce, bomb. The pasta, perfectly cooked. The chicken, chef’s kiss. The bread, crisp. The wine, free flowing. Obviously, this is the only appropriate way to get through the dregs of Reddit.
Squad Rating: 10/10
Obituary: Martha Dougharty Sparks
August 20, 1942 ~ April 2, 2023
Martha Dougharty Sparks, 80, of Beaumont, Texas, finally ceased badgering her alleged sons on April 2, 2023. She died in Houston at MD Anderson, forcing her sons to fund an awkward Uber ride back to Beaumont. But Martha didn’t go without a fight—or without full makeup and bright-red lipstick. A final gathering for creditors ...read more
will be held on April 10, 2023, at Claybar Kelley – Watkins Funeral Home in Beaumont. A celebration of life (and a COVID-jamboree) follows on April 11 at First United Methodist Church—yes, she was Catholic, but as with any long relationship, it’s complicated.
Born August 20, 1942, in Beaumont, Martha was the favorite (and only) daughter of Denton and Katherine Dougharty. Her imaginary friend Gimble was deemed fake by 1950s psychiatrists, who confirmed her husband James “Jimmy” Sparks Jr. was real—but insane. She chose him anyway, put him through law school, and then focused on her less-exciting children, becoming a completely unqualified but somehow effective bail bondsman.
Martha was a fiery defender of animals, LGBTQ rights, and liberal causes. She donated time and her few saved Kohl’s dollars to Meals On Wheels and Wounded Warriors, often speeding around Beaumont in a black convertible with a trunk full of kindness—and traffic tickets.
Preceded in death by her parents and off-again husband Jimmy, she is survived by sons Jimmy (Kristen) and Mark (and former partner Johnny Nguyen); her favorite child (the dog) Kaiser; grandchildren Jacoby and Timothy (Samantha); great-grandchildren Karrson and Greyson; and a long list of cousins, friends, and honorary children—most notably Will Abshier and his husband Chris Gonzalez.
Martha’s sendoff will feature an overly large venue (thanks, sons) and perhaps too few people, but she’d appreciate any flowers or donations to her favorite causes: The Humane Society, Wounded Warriors, Southeast Texas Food Bank, or Human Rights Watch.
In her honor: put on a hat, crank the Rolling Stones, and say something weird. Then love life, love fiercely, and love without judgment—just like Martha.
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Episode 24:
You Can't Scare Me
Episode 24: You Can't Scare Me
Drink: Silver Bluff Brewing Co. Piercing Point Juicy Pale Ale
Refreshing | Crisp | Fruity — ABV: 6.3%
There’s not much listed about this beer but we think it’s a pretty solid sip! It’s overall a very easy drinking beer and doesn’t sit too heavy on the stomach. While we wouldn’t say this is a pool beer, it’s definitely a solid choice for everyday drinking.
“This juicy pale ale has initial notes of lemon, grapefruit, and tropical fruits that combine with a balanced earthy and peppery finish. Drink fresh.”
Squad Rating: 8.5/10
Obituary: Harry Weathersby Stamps
December 19, 1932 ~ March 9, 2013
Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies' man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013. Known for his devotion to deviled eggs, elastic-waist shorts, and loathing of Daylight Saving Time, he lived and dressed by his own rules. ...read more
Mississippian, Harry was a lifelong fan of camellias, Lane cakes, fig preserves, and cornbread in buttermilk served in a martini glass. His culinary standards were high—he sourced Bunny Bread from Georgia, mayo from New Orleans, and bacon from Tennessee. He claimed to remember every meal he ever ate.
Harry loved strong women, especially his mother Wilma, sister Lynn, wife Ann, and daughters Amanda and Alison. He taught his girls to fish, hammer, and be thankful—and filled their toolboxes with pride. A government and sociology professor turned Dean at Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College, he believed in education, politics, and outsmarting squirrels.
He hated phonies, Martha Stewart, and most cats. He especially despised Daylight Saving Time, which he called "The Devil’s Time," and passed away on the very day the clocks were to spring forward—his final protest.
He is survived by his wife Ann; daughters Amanda Lewis and Alison; grandchildren Harper and William Lewis; niece Lynda Lightsey; and countless friends, students, and admirers. He was preceded in death by his parents Wilma and Walter, and sister Lynn.
Visitation was held on March 11, 2013, at Bradford-O’Keefe Funeral Home in Gulfport. No golf-themed funeral, as requested. Donations can be made to the library at Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College, Jeff Davis Campus.
In Harry’s honor, the family requests you write your Congressman to repeal Daylight Saving Time—and get back on the Lord’s Time.
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Episode 25:
Suck It, King George!
Episode 25: Suck It, King George!
Drink: Revolutionary Mint Julep feat. 1776 Bourbon
Strong | Fresh | Taste Like Freedom
How do you choose to celebrate freedom? Cheersing with a cocktail is our preferred method, but we can just toast to July 4th with any ordinary cocktail. This week, we’ve chosen to cheers with a Revolutionary era cocktail made with the only acceptable liquor—1776 Bourbon. While mint juleps are considered derby day cocktails, they were a popular drink amongst our Founding Fathers.
Mint Julep Recipe:
- 2 oz 1776 Bourbon (estimate)
- 2 oz Simple Syrup
- Shake with ice, strain into glass over crushed ice; garnish with a mint sprig. (For extra aroma, smack the mint before adding.)
Squad Rating: 9/10
Obituary: Col. William Few
1748 ~ July 16, 1828
Col. William Few, aged 81 years, died on July 16, 1828, at Fishkill, New York, the residence of his son-in-law, Mr. Chrystie. Born in Maryland in 1748, he became a Georgian by the time of the American Revolution and played a pivotal role in both state and national founding events... read more
...In 1776, he was elected to the convention that drafted Georgia’s first Constitution, later serving in both the Legislature and Executive Council. As British forces and their Native allies besieged Georgia, Few joined the fight and was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel. He distinguished himself in multiple engagements with both British troops and Indigenous warriors.
After aiding in the recapture of Augusta and the repelling of enemy forces, Few was appointed a delegate to the Continental Congress in 1780, serving through the peace of 1783. He returned again in 1786 and represented Georgia at the Constitutional Convention in 1787. From 1789 to 1793, he served as one of Georgia’s first U.S. Senators.
Following his marriage in New York City, Few relocated there and spent the next three decades in public service, including multiple terms in the New York Legislature and later as Commissioner of Loans under President Jefferson.
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